6.6.06 The Last Temptation of Christ

Spunk Pro -- The Last Temptation of Christ -- 6.6.06 -- The Ryan Center (North Kingston, RI) 6,666 fans

Our show starts off to Manakuro Marakuso thanking the fans for showing up to what happened to be the biggest turnout in Spunk Pro history, at its biggest arena in history at URI's Ryan Center! Pete Batfarti is out next as he is to face off with Nickelangelo for the AVN Championship! It was a quick-paced lucharesu clinic (read: two fat dudes doing arm drags and US Indy face offs at a eye-gougingly slow pace), until the 3GreeKrew tried to interfare, only for Pete to unleash the power of his bowels upon those in the area, farting and causing the 3GK to abandon the ring, leaving Nick to get a STINKFACE~! Nickelangelo, outraged rolls out of the ring and regroups with 3GK as he eats a few slices of pizza, only to roll back in and low blow Pete. Nickelangelo goes for the pizza mist, Pete ducks! Pete with an Olympic Slam followed by a PTFO Press picks up the fall, as we have a new AVN Champion!

RE.Volution continued its assault on the top in a heated tag bout with Strike Force. Strike Force brought the goods, but RE.V were too bent on proving themselves and kicked out of everything the stronger team could throw at them. The finish came out of nowhere when Lee was going for the Granite Dust on Ito, only for Ito to roll him up for the 3-count, landing RE.V into title contention finally! Speaking of the Evo-01 tag belts, LRI successfully defended them against the team of Spunk-Gun, YUSUKE and Shogo Otsuka in an epic bout, with LRI and Spunk-Gun tossing absolutely everything at each other. Shogo and YUSUKE attempted to keep their focus on VD and isolate his arm, and to continually piss Stuart off by cutting off their tags. As per usual for LRI the match went to hell at one point, turning into a huge brawl all over the arena, but ref Haddes decided to let it stand and not count out either team, to get a final decision between the two teams. Both teams were tossing it all at each other, but the Burnerbreaker was enough to put Shogo away for the 3.

DEMOS and Dink's confrontation came next, as its been built to for months, with DEMOS taking young Tom Johnson's hair recently and attempting to shave Dink's head as well. Dink, the newly crowned FPN Heavyweight Champion came out with his title in full Cena-gear, with a pinwheel glued onto the faceplate and spinning as he pumps the title up. Dear lord, Dink thinks he is John Cena! DEMOS comes out with his clippers and the rest of OdZ in tow, only to be sent into the back. It was a wild, bloody brawl, with Dink ripping at DEMOS' mask, and DEMOS attempting to take Dink's hair from him. It looked like curtains for the champ a few times, until he scores a FU through a barbed wire table for the 3-count! The Champ is here, or something... Annnnnnd here comes OdZ! The beatdown of Dink ensues, as he is a bloody mess, grasping for his spinner belt. RUINER and MAX are holding Dink as DEMOS collects himself and pulls out the clippers! HE IS GOING TO TAKE DINK'S HAIR!! WAIT! Missle dropkick takes him down, its Wataru Araya! The Spunk Pro Jr Champ! Here comes Tom Johnson as well, and these guys have to be pulled apart here!

The next two matches seemed to be the nail in the coffin for Bozac-Gun, as Jimmy Snotz got taken to school by the Spunk Pro International Champion, Bobo "T" Gomez! A lariat here, jumping knee, backdrop, Backdrop hold was all she wrote for Snotz, as Druid looked on, furious. Druid then got on the mic to explain that without tonight's series against Spunk Pro ending in Bozac-Gun victory, Druid wouldn't have enough money to keep Bozac Pro afloat (they haven't run a show in months due to financial woes caused by Phil Baroni), and would be forced to sell Bozac Pro to Phil Baroni. He asked for compassion from Mr. T, who is known for saving youth rec centers so children can have milk and cookies constantly, but Mr. T stood fast on this. Bozac Pro was no YMCA, and Mr. T pities the fool that expects him to save Bozac Pro. What ensued next was Mr. T demolishing Bee-Man, after Lester AXE BOMBAH'd Druid's head off. B.A.D. 1.2.3.

The Locust Star and D confrontation was now, and it was a violent piece of art to say the least. Lariats, kicks, forearms and head drops; it was a match not about two professional athletes in competition as much as it was two men who wanted to destroy each other, and that is what they did for nearly 30 minutes. The finish came after a Locust Spike (Brainbuster -> Emerald Flowsion) from LS for the pinfall, with D clawing after LS as he walks away to his namesake theme. What appeared to be the final nail in the coffin for Bozac-Gun came with the WTST taking home the Spunk Pro Tag Championship, demolishing the Specimenz with Alabama Dan using the Knee Life -> Alabama Clutch to take the belts home, with Druid crumbling backstage seeing Bozac Pro get demolished 0-3 tonight. As tears stream down his cheek a white gloved hand rests on his shoulder, as he jumps, looking up startled. A laugh is heard, as a voice mutters "All hope isn't lost, I have someone who'd like to speak with you."

This leads us to why we are all here; the main event for the Spunk Pro Heavyweight Championship between Jesus X, the champion and his former bodyguard, 001! 001 is apparently a man whose memory has been wiped from him and manipulated by Jesus X to do his bidding. After 001's losing streak of late, Jesus X turned on him and started bringing in some of his own trainees who err more on the technical side of the coin as opposed to the raw power side that 001 has shown. After months of humiliation, 001 pinned the Champ, setting up for this rematch for the title. Jesus X, who has held the Spunk Pro title since December 16th, 2004 when he pinned Dink for the title (after Dink pinned 001 in a 3-way with Mr. T, the then champion) will face his toughest challenge yet in a man that knows him better than anybody else, and one of the two men in the past year and a half to pin him (the other being Alabama Dan). It is no coincidence that this match takes place on this date, as many have marked this to be the end of Jesus X's title reign. Jesus X has been unusually silent since the announcement of this match, and has gone on record that he is unhappy with Spunk Pro management and how they've stacked the deck against him. 001 is angry and unable to control his temper anymore, and is hell bent on destroying his former master.

The two locked up in what was a clash of styles; power vs technique. 001 faced what seemed like endless obstacles of Ministry members Judas and Imago constantly trying to distract him, letting Jesus work 001 over, trying to finish him off early. But 001 kept fighting, and unleashing his brute strength and imposing his will. Its D! D, all banged up and bruised is making his way out now, and it looks like he has a choice to make, but he isn't... He is just observing. All hell has broken loose here, excuse the use of the word, as Judas has clocked ref MDK and all 3 are stomping the shit out of 001, with D looking on. Jesus X is calling for his brother's assistance, but he is simply standing there, frozen. Jesus X calling for them to hoist him up and set him up for the superkick! He goes for it, 001 using his sheer strength to pull them both together! Jesus X has just kicked his lackeys! He turns around and eats a chokeslam from 001! 001 with the cover!! But the ref is out! The ref is still out! 001 pulling him up and putting him into place... He covers again.. 1..........2.........2.99999!! The champ kicks out! The champ kicks out!

001 calling for the finish here, as he goozles Jesus X again, this time could be it! He hoists him up for the infinity bomb -- Frankensteiner by the champ! He just saved his ass and his title right there! 001 to his feet -- SUPERKICK! HE JUST ATE A SUPERKICK BY THE CHAMP!! 1..............2...........2.99! 001 powers out, he is still in this thing! He is calling for the Final Cut now, and this could be curtains for the challenger. He picks him up, going for it, but no! 001 tosses him off, and another chokeslam!! 001 slow to get up now, but he goozles Jesus X again, this could be it! Judas and Imago on the apron, Judas distracting the ref and Imago with a chair -- WAIT! D JUST LARIATED HIS KNEE OUT FROM UNDERNEATH HIM!! INFINITY BOMB BY 001!! 1!!!!! 2!!! 3!! NEW CHAMPION! NEW HERO! NEW HERO! All hell has broken loose at ringside! D is fighting side by side with the new champion against the Ministry, but its 3 on 2, and D is pretty badly hurt from his match! Lights go out! "Locust Star" is playing, good lord here comes Locust Star! 001 finally has Jesus X in his hands, and is holding him up by his neck over the announce table, but Locust Star places his hand on 001's shoulder, and 001 simply chokeslams him onto the ground. Locust Star, 001 and D dispose of the rest of the Ministry, as D offers his hand to Locust Star, who simply nods and walks to the back, leaving the champ with his title, D standing by him and the Ministry laid out!

1. AVN Championship: Pete Bartfarti (4:33 - PTFO Press) Nickelangelo (C)
2. #1 Contendership Evo-01 Tag: RE.Volution (Tomohiro Ito(O)/Jun Mochizuki) (19:23 - Inside Cradle) Strike Force (Brad Wolf/Lee Stone(X))
3. Evo-01 Tag: LRI (Stuart Robinson(O)/VD Dod)(C) (46:12 - Burnerbreaker) Spunk-Gun (YUSUKE/Shogo Otsuka(X))
4. Deathmatch: DiNk (15:05 - FU) DEMOS
5. Spunk Pro Int: Bobo "T" Gomez (8:15 - Flawless Backdrop Hold) Jimmy Snotz
6. T-Team (Mr. T(O)/Lester "T" Bourbon) (2:05 - B.A.D.) Bozac-Gun (Druid/Bee-Man(X))
7. Locust Star (26:45 - Locust Spike) D
8. Spunk Pro Tag: WT Stereotypes (Alabama Dan(O)/Hobo Joe)(20:23 - Alabama Knee Lift -> Alabama Clutch) Physical Speceminz (Jewberg/Tom(X))(C)
9. Spunk Pro Heavyweight: 001 (17:45 - Infinity-Bomb) Jesus X (C)